By DeShuna Spencer

For Stacie Scott Turner, a successful Washington D.C. real estate agent, the past 24 months have been momentous. First, she was cast as a member of the Real Housewives of DC. Then, she launched an organization that sent eight teenage girls in the D.C. foster care system to the World Cup in South Africa. And in January, she traveled to Nigeria to meet her biological father and half-siblings for the first time.

In this Q&A, Turner talks about her organization, Extra-Ordinary Life, meeting her African family, and the positive influence she hoped she portrayed as an African American woman on The Real Housewives of DC.

Tell emPower magazine readers about your organization.

My organization is two years old. It really started as a labor of love for me. I have a connection to foster care. I was adopted from the D.C. Child Services when I was a young child. Therefore, I wanted to give back some type of way. I was fortunate to have been adopted by a loving family at a young age, but there are so many kids that grow up into adolescence and aging out of the system at 21 without having an adoptive family. So I started Extra-Ordinary Life to provide foster care youth with similar opportunities and exposures I was fortunate to receive in hopes that it would inspire them to believe that they can overcome their circumstances and become whatever they want to be in life.

What are some of the services and programs Extra-Ordinary Life offers?

I focus on teen girls aged 13 to 18. Our goals are to catch them when they are adolescents and entering into junior high school, which is at a pivotal point in their lives. They are making key decisions and life choices that will affect the direction that they're going. Thirteen is perfect because they are young enough to be impressionable and we can make an impact.

There are three things that we try to provide to all of our girls. The first is a consistent, caring adult mentor in their lives because many people don't realize that these teenagers don’t have permanent homes and they don't have parents. So without that basic support system—that most of us take for granted—they don't really have anyone to depend on and lead in the right direction. We make sure that they are on a path to college. It may sound simple, but when you're worried about where you’re going to live, sometimes it's difficult to focus on school and getting an education. We recognize that in order to be successful and make it through college, they need the same type of exposures and benefits that we receive. We seek to provide the 'extra' by giving them exposure to people, places—opportunities that they would normally not have access to. We want to help shape and define them and instill a sense of confidence so they can achieve and go to college and beyond.

When working with foster care youth in your organization, do you find that many of them put up a brick wall initially until they feel the trust is there?

There's definitely trust issues with foster care children overall. However, we seek to find kids who are 'diamonds in the rough’. The type of kids who want to be on a path and a right direction; kids who have demonstrated a desire and resilience to want to move ahead in life. So we have a competitive process. We select teen girls who we call Extra-Ordinary Life Ambassadors. You apply to the program. We make our decisions based on an interview and essay. We look at their grade point average, and consistency in school. We ask for a recommendation from their social workers and teachers. Based on that, we select girls as ambassadors. We are committed to working with these girls, starting at a young age, and really following them to high school so that they stay on the path.

It does take time to build up that trust system, but many times nobody has done anything for these children or has had high expectations for them. So I have the same expectations for them that I have for my own children and we provide them with the same types of opportunities that my children have.

Since it is an application and selection process, how do you find these ‘Extra-Ordinary’ young ladies?

I have partnered with D.C. Child and Family Services. All children that are in the foster care system are managed by this agency. I work directly with their staff and they disseminate the information to their entire network of social workers, with the goal of reaching the entire population of teen girls that could be eligible for the program. In year one, we were looking to take 15 girls to South Africa during the World Cup. I thought 15 was a small number, knowing that there were about 350 girls within the age range we were targeting, but we eventually only received 20 applications. It was shocking to me. It was a combination of this being the first time that anyone had done this type of thing and people being doubtful. Even though we were reaching 15 girls, by the time we got past girls being afraid to fly and other barriers, we ended up with eight girls. But it turned out that the eight young women were fantastic. We had an amazing experience. We were fortunate that Black Entertainment Television went with us and did a documentary on the girls. It has aired in 54 countries, including Africa, the Middle East and in America.

How was the trip to Africa with the girls? I'm sure some of them had never been on an airplane or traveled outside of the District, let alone the U.S.

I think only one person had traveled outside of the United States. Four of them had never been on a plane and we were taking them on an 18-hour flight. It was a truly amazing journey. We wanted to expose them to the rich culture of Africa, but we also connected the girls with foster kids in South Africa, which they call orphans there. These were teens who mostly lost their parents due to HIV. We partnered with the Johannesburg Child Welfare Society and matched our girls of similar ages with their girls about four months prior to traveling. They were email pals. Once we arrived in South Africa, the teen girls from Johannesburg served as our hosts. We did community service together, we did teen forums where we talked about issues affecting them, which was so important because they saw how we are more similar than different. We took the girls on a Safari. They saw how people in lower economic statuses lived. The South African ambassador from the U.S entertained us. We went to Durban and ate at the Indian Ocean for the first time. So they had an amazing 10 days that regular people don't often have in their lifetime. What was so great about it was that it opened their eyes and their minds to the fact that the world is their oyster. There are places and other opportunities for them. It is easy to get caught up in their day-to-day and the present. It inspired them to believe that they can do anything.

Why did you choose Extra-Ordinary as the name for your organization?

I attribute it to my husband, who came up with the name Extra-Ordinary Life. I always strive to do what I consider extraordinary. For me, that means not the norm. We really wanted to push these girls, who many times work with an agency foster care system that only makes sure that they survive. I really wanted to create a program that would push them to thrive and go beyond the basic expectations that people seem to have for foster youth, and make sure that we were pushing them to be the most that they could be for smart, talented young people who just happened to be placed in a difficult situation that was no fault of their own.

What are your thoughts on the current state of the foster care system?

I am the perfect example of what happens when a wonderful, supportive, loving family adopts someone. That's the goal for all children. The reality is that over 60 percent of all foster children are 16-years-old and above. Once they reach 13, their odds for being adopted are diminished incredibly. I think the system has to focus on how kids successful thrive once they age out of the system. I have an approach that I call 'aspirational' outreach. How do we get into their heads and inspire them to dream? How do we help build their confidence so they know that they can excel in any field that they choose? I think that's how we're different and where the foster care system falls short. They focus on surviving versus thriving. We need to plant the seed that the expectation is college and above, if they want to be successful.

In many ways, foster kids have character traits that many kids don't have. They are forced to be more independent at a young age and survive by themselves at a young age. They are more resilient because they had to deal with so much trauma, pain and change. These are things that we try to shield our kids from, yet they still make it. If you can mold and help and nurture those characteristics, they are much more positioned and poised to be successful, they just need that helping hand and caring person to put them on the right path.

How has the program affected and changed the perspectives and lives of the girls?

I have seen a difference in 60 percent of the girls. Five are doing extremely well; they have matriculated to college and are going into their second year. The ones who were seniors will be going to college in the fall. There are three who have experienced some setbacks and challenges that we are working on. The majority has done well, but it has not been a 100 percent success story, which is a big testament of catching them young. That way, we have years to work with them. The situations that they were in were not created overnight, so you can't fix them overnight.

How long did you work on this idea to start your non-profit organization?

Not long at all. I thought it through for a couple of weeks and just decided to start it. In fact, I decided to raise $100,000 for the trip six months prior to the World Cup. It was the first time it was in South Africa. Everything was three times as expensive and everyone told me I was crazy because people were booking that trip two years beforehand. But God is good because we were able to raise the money within a month to get started. We met people in South Africa and here in the U.S. who believed in the cause and really helped us in incredible ways. Everything just lined up. We were able to take eight girls with eight chaperones.

How were you able to raise so much money so quickly?

For the initial fundraising effort, we received help from the CEO of B.E.T. (Deborah Lee), who came onboard as an honorary co-chair, and Victoria Rowell, who most people know as the actress on The Young and the Restless. She has been a foster care advocate and founded an organization geared toward foster care. She herself is a foster child, who was never adopted. So both of them loved the mission and assisted with the initial fundraising efforts. We had wonderful corporate sponsors from Proctor & Gamble as well as from local companies like Pepco and Verizon. We had a lot of people who donated a small amount of money, and it added up. South African Airways gave us reduced ticket prices to get the girls there. Once we arrived in South Africa, we met a woman who lived in the country but was a successful attorney in Chicago as well as a former foster child. She provided living accommodations for us at a much cheaper rate. People were just giving, giving, giving, to make this trip possible for these young girls.

What are some of the future goals for Extra-Ordinary Life? Are you looking to expand the program?

Yes, besides the travel experience, we have local programs throughout the year—it's all about exposure. We have a program that connects girls with successful women from a variety of fields. If you don’t see what success looks like, then you don't desire it or know what type of career path to strive for. We match our girls with positive role models. We also teach the girls proper etiquette when dining and how to hold a conversation and network, to connecting them with internships and externships in the DC area. All of that extra stuff really is important, which I call the 'what counts factor'. These are things you need to do to set yourself apart; things that you can put on your résumé or college application.

I'm excited because the program has been so successful that we've been approved to start working with girls at 13. We’re about to recruit 15 this year and an additional 20 for the following year. It's more important to develop a meaningful relationship with a few girls.

This is a labor of love. We have an all-volunteer staff. When we initially started, we were operating under another non-profit organization. Now we have our own 501(c)(3) status. Our goal is to grow into a financially strong and supported organization so we have a full functioning staff that works full time. It can't be a labor of love forever in order for it to be effective, so that's the stage that I'm at right now.

How can people get involved with your organization?

We are always looking for people interested in mentoring. Or if you can’t make that time commitment, we need volunteers who can come in and talk to the girls about what you do and the path that you took to reach your goals. We are looking for women willing to share their experiences. Of course, financial donations are always welcomed.

You recently met your biological father in Nigeria. How was that experience?

That was amazing. One of the biggest rewards of doing Housewives of DC was the story line of finding my birth father. I don't know if I would have been so bold to go to the Nigerian Embassy asking for help to find him. But by meeting the right people and divine intervention, I was able to. I went to Nigeria in January and I met him and my 10 siblings and extended family. The level of welcoming and hospitality was so amazing and on such a different level. I'm looking forward to going back in July to spend more time with them. I plan to take my children and get to know them more.

Have you met your biological mother?

My mother is in the States. I found her about four years ago. While we had initial correspondence, she has a completely different life. No one knows about me and she wants to keep it that way. It's interesting because in the African culture, there's such an emphasis on family that when I found my birth father, the experience was completely opposite. They were like 'Oh my God. Thank God He has brought you to me.'

Did he know you existed? Was he looking for you as well?

He knew that she (my biological mother) was pregnant, but he never knew what happened to me because she returned to the U.S. They met in Nigeria. There was some level of guilt for never asking, inquiring or following up. In meeting him, a lot of it was him asking for forgiveness, but I had such great parents and such a great life that there are no regrets or hard feelings from me. Now I'm learning about my Nigerian culture, heritage and family members. I grew up as an only child and they have 10 siblings so I was like, wow.

How did you know your father was Nigerian?

I always knew that I was adopted, but when I was pregnant with my son and diagnosed with the sickle cell trait, I became curious of my medical history. I reached out to the adoption agency and I found out that I could request non-identifying information, which often had medical history. That's when I found out that my birth mother was Caucasian and my birth father was Nigerian. I had no idea who they were or that they were of different cultures. Once I got that letter, I became really curious and I began to do some research and that was 10 years ago. Now, he calls all the time. I have a sister that's here in the United States. So it's been great getting to know her and her kids.

This is a side question. How do you feel about how black women are portrayed on reality television? Sometimes when watching other reality shows, you see black women fighting or starting drama. But your character was different.

People told me I was crazy for considering Real Housewives of DC. In my opinion, if you do not represent what you want to see on TV then you're never going to see it. So that's why we (my husband and I) decided to take the plunge and defy the stereotypes and show that all black women are not uneducated, ignite drama and constantly fight. In fact, you can be interesting, entertaining, run a business, be successful and have a normal family and kids—all the things we used to see on the Cosby Show but rarely see anymore. My husband and I chose to be portrayed truthfully. Not that we're perfect or trying to put down how other people are portrayed, we wanted people to see a regular middle class family working hard in the community and trying to raise their kids right while having fun experiences and adventures that do not involve putting down people. That was our goal; hopefully it came across that way. Although viewers claim that they want positive images, the ratings and popularity of shows that are opposite to that suggest that people do prefer the drama and craziness. The saddest thing was that (Housewives of DC) did not have more black women on the show. It is D.C. When I look around, they are more women similar to me than different. It's not like I'm special; television does not show that type of woman.

What's next for Stacie?

Of course I'm focusing on my real estate, which I've been doing for the past 12 years and is going really well. I'm working on writing a book about my whole discovery of my birth parents and my journey to Nigeria. It really is an amazing story. You've only heard about 2 percent of it. I'm exploring ways to expand the foster care efforts in D.C. beyond Extraordinary Live by creating Washingtonians For Kids, so we can have a regional effort that would have a great impact. I was recently named the National Children's Ambassador for the American Humane Association. It would give me a voice on policy issues related to kids. My husband has a project management and logistics business, which I’m involved in and we're looking to take that to the next level. So I'm busy.

To learn more about Extra-Ordinary Life, visit www.extra-ordinarylife.org.

DeShuna Spencer if Founder/Publisher emPower magazine and CEO of Liu Karama Productions LLC.
 

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